WHEN YOU PLACE POWER IN YOUR AGENDAS
I was on a plane in early June, flying to Brisbane to visit a friend. As I usually do, I made good use of the time in the air to meditate. As soon as I’d finished meditating I sat up, pulled out my iPad and started typing out a loose plan for an online project all around learning how to Surrender. I felt the words pour out of me. I felt the inspiration move through me. I felt almost giddy with the joy of it. Such a beautiful moment.
Now, my ebook – Get out of your way: 17 ways to surrender for your best life yet – was almost ready to go live and here I was buzzing with the inspiration of an amazing new offering. I had no idea that very soon I was going to hit a plateau (which I wrote about here!) which kept me from moving forward.
Since then, post plateau, I have felt the urge to create and brainstorm and feel my way through a new set of desires. But what I STILL wasn’t feeling was this project on Surrender. I sat down multiple times to bring this project to life. I’ve scribbled out a rough plan and then scrapped it. I’ve done the same with a title… over and over again.
I decided to see my Kinesiologist who explored the concept and did a reading for me. Apparently, my body indicated that doing this course this September/October was 100% for my highest good.
That, coupled with a few other ‘attachments’ I had created I started to grip to the outcome. I started to move from agenda.
I nose-dived even deeper into stucks-ville. Feet buried in concrete. Hitting my head against a brick wall. No flow. No inspiration. Nothing juicy or real or awesome. No beautiful, special moments of joy.
When you place power in agenda
It’s clear that I had started to cling to the outcome. My approach was no longer born from that place of pure inspiration that I had experienced on the plane, but it had latched itself to an agenda. A desire that wasn’t ‘true’ for me. Despite my Kinesiologist telling me that it was for my highest good, I intuitively felt that right now I wasn’t doing anything good! I’m not saying she is wrong, in fact, she could be dead on, but I took her words and used them as the main REASON for moving forward. Not to mention all the other reasons I discovered.
“I should be able to do this because I’ve been told this is for my highest good”.
“I should make this happen because it’s the ‘right time of year’ for this”.
“I should definitely get this done in 2013 because If I don’t maybe I never will”
“I should produce something else this year, to make this year BIG and special”
“I should launch it in September because it works with the word September”
Can you see my EGO… my head getting in the way? Standing in front of me, blocking me?
When all you can do is surrender
The irony is not lost on me that I am talking to you about creating a course on surrender and in the process I was doing the exact opposite. Gripping. Attaching. Controlling. Fearing.
The only way forward is to take my own advice.
Stop. Listen. Observe. Let it go..
I’ve explored my agendas. I see them for what they are. I have objectively clocked my ‘WHYs’ (why am I doing this?!) and allowed all of that to just be there, judgement-free.
Now, I surrender.
Now I let it go.
Now, I put my tools down.
Now, I stop trying so hard.
When the energy of control comes up again
During this process of surrender and de-stabilising the power of those agendas I still have moments of, what I think to be, ‘inspiration’. When they come up, I stop. I listen. I observe.
Some of the internal dialogue looks like this:
Ok, Claire, pause for a moment. What is this?
What can you sense and feel here?
What does it look like?
Where did it come from?
What ‘drove’ that inspiration, what triggered it?
And let me get super-real here. If I have to ask those questions then I already know that the ‘inspiration’ I am feeling is actually ego-based agenda. Perhaps a fear has bubbled up – insecurity, self-doubt, lack of approval – that has driven my ego to attach to a perceived ‘solution’.
In truth, when you feel the flow and your power is in that and that only there are no questions, the ego is quiet, there is no doubt!
When you let go you get perspective
Even as I write this I can sense the space of creation. Since I ‘totally’ dropped the doing, creating and building around this project I have noticed perspective.
The areas I was previously stuck on no longer seem so confusing or difficult. The elements of this project seem less challenging or daunting.
It reminds me of when I was 15, learning how to drive. I had weekly driving lessons and I was doing well, but not good enough to take the test. My dad eventually had to stop the lessons (they were getting expensive) for a couple of months. In the end I had a 3 month break where I didn’t practice driving ONCE, nor did I think about it. I stopped caring so much, either way, what would happen. I’d sort of ‘forgotten’ the purpose of it all. My first lesson back the driving instructor was astounded. I remember him saying that I was more than ready to take, and pass, the test.
The time away created perspective and space. Within that space I was no longer playing within the energy of doing, trying, attempting, pushing, controlling. From there, with my agenda dropped and my focus simply on the experience I dropped into the flow.
When we step back and get out of our way we get a different frame, a new picture, a clearer view. We get what we want if what we want is meant to be.
Your turn: Do you see somewhere in your life where you’ve placed power in an agenda, that perhaps isn’t true for you?
love + light,
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