What are you judging?
What’s with all the judgment?
Is it just me or has anyone else been noticing alot of ‘judgment’ flying around? That’s a strange thing to ‘see’ hurling through air space, but nevertheless, I’ve been noticing alot of people laying it on thick as to what they think is good, bad or otherwise.
A little story for you: the other week I was signing students into the yoga class I was about to teach when a particular student was commenting that her pass had expired and that it was very ‘un-yogic’ of us not to extend it (which I might add lasts for three months!).
When she said ‘un-yogic ‘in her judgy-mc-judge voice, I remember thinking, wow, really – could we also say that you are being un-yogic by judging this business (yes, a studio is still a business!) as un-yogic?! It actually floored me. I laughed it off instead – not concerned with reacting to her judgment. Hand-on-heart, old Claire would’ve have definitely bitten back… and it would’ve been awkward and unnecessary!
What’s the deal with people (and I’m not excluding myself here!) believing that their perspective, attitude or way of doing something is RIGHT.
Who even came up with this whole right-wrong, black-white crap?
Why does tearing someone else down and judging another fellow human being, make us feel better, more important and validated about who we are in the world?
It says bucket-loads about our own state of affairs, doesn’t it?
To me it screams:
- I feel small, so I need to make you feel small too
- I think I’m better than you, it’s the only way I know how to feel good about myself
- I made a mistake, tearing you down makes me feel better about that
- I don’t feel important, ever, judging you strokes my ego
- I am always the important (smartest, funniest, always right) one, which means by default you’re not
Let me just reiterate here again, that I’m commenting on myself here just as much as a ‘general’ commentary on judgment. Judgment is something I have worked on and still need to check myself on! And I bet, if you’re damn honest with yourself, you probably need to work on it too.
Reflecting on Judgment
As I sat, reflecting on the judgment I had witnessed or experienced, it gave me alot to think about. Especially considering that I witnessed ‘judgment’ in full throttle at least two more times that day and since that day, many more times. Scary.
So, I started to consider – do I need to shine a light onto judgment for myself?
As always, whenever something charges me I choose to see the reflection. What the heck is going on for ME in this? Why am I noticing it, reacting to and even commenting on it.
Turn the spotlight on you
In that reflection process I pulled out my journal and asked myself a series of questions. You might like to scribble these down too and come back to them later (or now!) when you aware that judgement is pulling on your skirt tails.
1) Who am I in judgment of?
2) What am I in judgment of?
3) What do I believe to be good/right/true?
4) Where have I been unwilling to practice compassion and understanding?
5) How often do I judge myself?
It is such a powerful exercise! It showed me the very small, almost ignored moments where I am in automatic judgement mode: the way someone drives, the food someone eats, the choices people make, the belief system someone has.
Mostly though, I discovered that I am often in judgment of myself: my worthiness, my ability, my everything.
Judgment meets compassion
I realise that because judgment is something we are often blindly partaking in – towards ourselves and others – that we need to come at it with a hefy dose of (you know it!) compassion!
There is no point reacting to someone’s judgment with a hot head, or beating yourself up for judging others.
Soften into the truth of it. Arm up with some love and compassion and come at it from a place of intrigue, inquiry, honesty, willngness.
Look past it. Under it. Ask yourself what’s really going. Perhaps the questions above will peel back a few layers. I invite you to check in and ask ‘what’s with all the judgment?’
Ultimately, by reflecting on our own behaviour we are doing the kind of self-enquiry work that creates real transformation.
REMEMBER THIS: You are NOT that ‘kind’ person – just because you go into judgement doesn’t make you a person to be ashamed of. It makes you human – one with an ego. Oh that’s right, just like the rest of us!
Your turn: Confession time! Finish this sentence in the comments below:
*I am mostly in judgment of ________________*
love + light,
//This blog post was adapted from a recent newsletter I wrote to my tribe (are you on the list? come join us by signing up below!) about judgment and I had such a huge response that I wanted to share my insights here.
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