Why is it so hard to say no?

I’ll put my hand up first and say that I have struggled, in the past, to push back and say no – prioritizing myself and my needs almost felt illegal.

And I know that more than one of my gorgeous clients (p.s I love you guys!) struggles with saying no.

What exactly do I mean by ‘no’?

Well, I simply mean being clear about what you can and can’t do to your friends, family, colleagues in order to ensure YOU are being looked after and getting what your mind, body and soul needs.

I’m not talking the selfish kind of ‘no’. I’m not talking about throwing ‘no’ out here, there and everywhere, just for the sake of it… I’m talking about a saying no because it’s the right thing for you and doing it without the layers of guilt.

Why is saying no so important?

How many times have you put someone else, an ‘obligation’,  scheduled event or pre-planned something-or-other FIRST before what you really needed? Have you ever been in a situation where you know you simply needed to lay low, retreat, be still or do something just for you but instead you had this birthday to go to, or someone else’s neediness weighing down on you? You bypassed your inner voice and skipped out on yourself – choosing to, kindly so,  someone else or go to that birthday/event?

Admiral. Yes, sure. You can choose to look at it that way, and I get it, sometimes obligations are just that – we have to be there/help out and it’s the right thing to do. But I want you to check in with yourself and be honest – how often do you commit, say YES and put yourself last when really, it wasn’t the right thing for you and you paid for it later?

Saying NO is so vital to your health and wellness. It sounds a little wishy-washy, but I guarantee if you were able to place as much commitment and dedication to your own well being as you do to other people’s needs you would see an incredible difference in how you think and feel – mentally, emotionally and physically.

It’s also important to say no before we get to that stage of deep resentment and frustration towards whomever we are saying YES to all the time. What’s the point in helping someone out or following through on a commitment if you are going to be a wet-rage or battling with suppressed frustration. It doesn’t help and it doesn’t help anyone else involved.


Breaking through the fear of saying NO

Saying no can really bring up alot of guilt and fear – especially if saying yes is your default setting. The key to saying NO is to get clear on what’s important to you and cultivating the truth that you deserve it! You are worth it. You are also completely loved – allow yourself to tap into the truth that you don’t NEED to work for love and put yourself last in order to be loved.

In the VLOG below I ask you a series of questions to get you thinking about the art of saying ‘no’ and help you to see how to put yourself first.



Share with me: How does ‘saying no’ make you feel? Do you feel comfortable with it or is it something you struggle with?

Looking forward to reading your insights and comments below.

Love + light,


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  1. This is so relevant for most of us.
    What I have found by saying no is not only that it gives us more space for ourselves but when done well it can actually give others permission to say no too. For example, pushing back a little when a friend tries to make last minute plans can actually empower her to say no to some of the things that she didn’t necessary feel to do in her life also, giving her more space and reduce last minute rushing.Lets lead by example and make it OK to to respectfully say no. There is a chance that what you thought would be a criticism turns into admiration

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