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why EVERYTHING has taken a backseat to surrender + self-love…


why EVERYTHING has taken a backseat to surrender + self-love…

Maybe you’ve noticed things have been a little different over here at The Wellness Project HQ. I’ve been sharing snippets of this journey of transformation that I am deep within and how it has come at full force, over the last 6 weeks… and let me tell you, it’s not over yet.

Work, writing, social life, daily movement, meditation, cooking, yoga … all of what used to be normal for me has completely and utterly done a Houdini. I’ve only had space and energy for two things (and even they have completely changed two) – Surrender + Self-love.

But today I can finally reveal WHAT exactly this transformation is about…

Well, I’ve got a beautiful little soul growing inside. Yep, I am pregnant. With child. Up-the-duff. There’s a bun in the oven.

Unexpected yet meant to be.

This soul has been present in my energy field for quite some time. And it seems it got a little tired of waiting for me to be ‘ready’… so bubba has taken hold of the reigns. This little soul has collided with my own on a pre-destined trajectory to my heart. Not to mention that of my husband (Christopher) – who is already truly, madly, deeply in love with our 5.5 cm bundle of joy. But, to any mammas out there, you’ll know that this collision is not always a clean hit. The phrase ‘morning sickness’ does not summarize the experience at all… but I won’t bore you with the gory details (yet).

Let’s just say this. Mentally, emotionally, physically I have been given the chance to really experience surrender on a whole new level. It’s as if all the angels, saints, prophets, the universe, God and every Guru got together and said:

“Ok, Claire, you really dig this ‘Surrender’ stuff right? You really want to learn how to Surrender? Well then, HERE YOU GO! Get ready for the biggest ride of your life!”

Letting go of EVERYTHING that once made me feel whole, normal, sane and opening my arms to receive and allow this miracle to happen  – well, what a HUGE lesson that has been and will continue to be.

Surrender + Self-love, over the last 6 weeks, has looked like a little this:

It’s ok to stay in my pajamas for hours.

It’s ok to sleep in the middle of the day.

It’s more than ok to cry, with fat wet tears.

It’s ok to feel terrified.

It’s ok to hide away and disconnect.

The key for me has been Conscious Compassion.

Dropping the resistance to every change that has unfolded.

Letting go of past ways of thinking and being.

Being present with how I am feeling and being OK with the tidal wave of emotions.

And loving myself in every single moment of it all.

This, by far, has been the most pivotal moment of my life. I’ve learnt more about Surrender + Self-love in these last 6 weeks than I have in the past 32 years. And at 12.5 weeks pregnant I know there is so much more to come.

I have so many things I want to share with you – from the lessons I’ve learnt through the fog and sickness over the last 6 weeks to how I’ve been processing what is by far the most powerful change of my life.

In the meantime let me share this little picture of our teeny, tiny beanie baby. Saying a BIG HELLO to all you beautiful souls in my tribe. Seeing this little nugget of love squirming about and waving was the most spectacular experience ever and I’m so thrilled I can finally share this with you!

Screenshot 2014-08-10 13.19.02

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YOUR TURN: I would love to hear from you – if you are mumma what were your experiences and feelings like when you first fell pregnant? Or if you aren’t there yet how does pregnancy/babies make you feel? Is it so far our of your scope, tugging at you or maybe terrifying you? I know that I am not alone with all my crazy emotions and can’t wait to hear from you!

love + light,

Claire x



Comment...

47 Comments to “why EVERYTHING has taken a backseat to surrender + self-love…”

  1. Hi Claire

    A BIG heart-felt tingling congratulations to you and hub.

    Being pregnant and the journey that followed was a period of many lessons for me – chief among them redefining my idea of surrender and self.

    I can’t wait to hear more about your journey, in between your surrendering, self loving, pyjama wearing, and ‘morning sickness’ adventures.

    Virtual hugs to you,
    Naomi

    • Oh you’ll be hearing many stories I am sure! The pyjama wearing has started to reduce, somewhat. The positives (and negatives) of working for yourself. Thanks for your encouragement and love! x

  2. Congratulations Claire! This is truly beautiful news! I had a feeling this might’ve been why you have been laying low for a while 😉 Very happy and exciting for you xx

  3. Congratulations on finally sharing your news. I always felt much better after that fact … the keeping things to myself was so foreign to me that I embraced my pregnancy much more when I was able to fully embrace the experience. Love to you for this next stage. Xx

  4. Congratulations Claire, I am so over the moon for you!

    Please don’t hide away forever though! We miss you 🙂

    Enjoy these moments, they are so precious!

    Much love to you and your (growing) family xo

  5. Congratulations Claire. I don’t know why but I had a feeling that you were pregnant! I’m so excited for you and I have complete compassion for where you’re at now!

    When I was pregnant I had been trying to conceive for over a year and I found out when I pulled the “Mother Mary – expect a miracle” card from my goddess deck on 11/11/11 and quickly ran off to do a test which confirmed it!

    I felt great until about 8 weeks when the food aversions and nausea began and then I didn’t leave the house for another 6 weeks! But then one day the fog lifted and I was energetic and vibrant again!

    I remember my dietician saying to me that it’s ok to throw your values out the window during pregnancy and just do what you need to do to get through each day (even if it’s eating nothing but raw cauliflower and oven-baked-spring rolls, like it was for me). Consider this time a good preparation for the unpredictability of motherhood!

    As your baby grows, you and him will form a bond that is deeper and more profound than you ever thought possible. Thank-you for inviting us into your journey.

    Be gentle with yourself!

    Oh and if you’re getting into reading pregnancy & birth books then I highly recommend Preparing for north with yoga by Janet Balaskas. It looks daggy and old but it is just beautiful http://amzn.to/1q4srGY
    I read LOADS of books and this one was my fave.

    • Thanks honey. Appreciate the love and wisdom. Yes, lots of rules have been bent, but also glad that my years of living in wellness have set me up as good as can be. But surrender – OH yeah it has shown up in many ways. That bond you speak of sounds like true joy. I can’t wait x

  6. Congratulations…. I can honestly say I know exactly what you mean. I’m 8 weeks and am currently fighting my eyelids to stay open at 4pm in the afternoon… the all day sickness has started and I am using positive thoughts and focus to get through each day… I just wish I could tell people so they understand why I’m not quite myself… but waiting another 4 weeks.

    I look forward to reading/ relating more with you over the coming months.

    • Oh honey, I feel you!! Lay low. Rest often. Cry. Be honest about how you are feeling. Be compassionate to yourself! Talk to those you can… and remember you are doing THE MOST CREATING you will ever do. That was my focus point; “Claire, you are building a spine, not easy work. Claire you just made a brain – go you!”

      Sending you love + light!!

      Cx

  7. Firstly congratulations – welcome to the absolute best time of your life. Being pregnant for me was both terrifying and exhilarating. Having lost my first baby very early on in the pregnancy, being pregnant second time around felt scary and way beyond my control. I just had to trust that every day my pregnancy continued that it would all work out in the end – and it did. Now he is almost 7 and his little brother is almost 5. I wish you much happiness with this life changing event. x

  8. Congratulations Claire! So very exciting for you both!
    It’s the best thing that will ever happen to you, and the love, man the overpowering love you will have for this bubba is just so amazing 🙂
    No. 1 surprised me too, but looking back, the universe knew exactly what it was doing as did noah, nothing was stopping him!
    I hope you keep well, rest up and enjoy this beautiful time, it goes all too fast
    Kerri xxx

  9. Congrats Claire. Such beautiful news for you. I’m 24 weeks pregnant and it is an absolutely crazy yet amazing journey. I have had to completely let go of any sort of control and enjoy every single experience and emotion that has presented itself thus far. It truly is a life changing experience and I feel so blessed and excited to be on this journey. I hope you too experience all of the joy & love that comes with carrying a little miracle! x

  10. Congratulations Claire!

    I’m a mum of two boys (4 & 1) and I can totally relate to the experience of surrender that you shared. Once I knew that my babies were growing inside me there was nothing left to do but surrender to the experience and feel my way through the rest of the pregnancy. Babies have an uncanny knack of pulling you into the present moment – because that is the only space that exists for them!

    Good luck with your pregnancy, and I hope the morning sickness fades soon.

    Rebecca x

  11. Wow congratulations Claire!!!!! Such beautiful news for a beautiful woman. Good luck with this amazing journey. I can’t wait to read about it and hopefully I will be in the same position very soon as my husband and I are trying for a baby now too. So much love to you, your husband and your little beanie babe!! xxxxx

  12. Hi Claire…first congratulations….you truly have a miracle on your hands. I have been trying for over four years to have a bub (still no luck) and so through adversity I can now truly realize the miracle of what a baby really is (many people take pregnancy for a given). But, like you, I have been going through my own surrender and acceptance, only for different reasons to yours. My biggest advice -enjoy every moment of your pregnancy – the morning sickness, the anxiety, the sore back, the big belly, the baby fat, the sleepless nights and whatever else comes your way – savor it all. For you truly are blessed to have such an experience. Can’t wait to read about your miraculous journey into motherhood. Once again congrats to both you and your husband. X

    • Thank you for the reminder of gratitude. Sending you love + light on your own journey and I wish for you joy and love no matter what this life has in store for you! xxx

  13. Congratulations Claire!!! That is such wonderful news!!!! And what a beautiful way to surrender into the ultimate form of self love.
    I can’t wait to hear more about your little nugget and your journey.
    Lots of love x

  14. That is wonderful news Claire. You are about to go on a journey unlike any you have been on so far. As you know I am a mother of 3 girls. I have been pregnant 7 times, miscarrying 4 so when they are born healthy you sigh a big sigh of relief. The morning sickness and the other stuff that goes with being pregnant is the easy part of parenthood, lol. It has been by far one of the most difficult but rewarding thing (when things are going well) that I have ever done. It is terrifying at times but then as you are ever so gently teaching me, stop worrying, let go of the fears and everything will be ok. I can only say that this last sentence is soooo true!!! .

    You will be an awesome mother. You have experienced it all and have so much wisdom and beautiful insight to offer your little “bean”. You will be a very happy family I am sure.

    Love to you and your expanding waistline and family.

    XX

  15. I’m so excited for you, beautiful being. Pregnancy is a magical ride. I had a really hard time in the first 17 weeks, but one day when I was whinging {rightfully!} to a friend, they kindly asked me to try to let it all go. Nausea, back pain, all of it. Overnight I felt released, and so much better. It was never easy peasy, but I was finally able to appreciate the miracle I had longed for.
    I hope you’re able to surrender joyfully and enjoy whatever moments you can xxxx

  16. Oh my goodness, congratulations hunny and hubby!!! Such a beautiful time in life, your words made me wish I was preggo haha I can’t wait to read all about this new journey of yours, lots of love xx

  17. WOW oh WOW!!!! Claire I am so very excited for you and your husband. What a beautiful and exciting time in your lives. Thank you for sharing with us your emotional and focused journey, this. I am yet to be a Mum and not one of my family or friends with bubs have ever talked about this transformation. In fact I can’t recall any pregnancy magazine or artical has either.

    I wish the three of you all the love, light and joy the world has to offer, I have absolutly no doubt you will be an amazing Mum x

  18. Thank you ALL. Heart is overflowing with gratitude at each of your comments, words of love, support and advice. And teeny tiny beanie baby is feeling those good loving vibes and I KNOW is saying THANKS!

    Cxx

  19. Congratulations Claire…Parenthood is a truely amazing experience, it makes you accountable for who you are, everything you stand for, and what you know! (e.g. like how did the earth get here?) And THE LOVE you have for your children is indescribable…your heart feels like it could literally burst. Take care Naomi x

  20. From one mumma to another mumma you are in for the most wild ride of your life. The tiredness, sleepless nights, spew and sloppy poo’s is all totally worth it!

    The feeling you get when handed your baby for the first time is euphoric, I have my moment permanently implanted in the brain. Then when your baby first smiles, laughs, gives you a cuddle and a kiss are just moments of pure joy.

    I was so nervous, scared and excited when pregnant with my boy not to mention violently I’ll from week 18 until I gave birth but it’s all totally worth it!

    Enjoy your journey to motherhood xo

  21. Hi Claire,
    I thought this might be your big news – congratulations!! I totally hear you about the surrender thing for the first few months of pregnancy – I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant, and found the physical transformations of the first 12 weeks astounding – amazing how something which is still so little can have such a big physical and emotional impact!! It does get better, and I’ve been enjoying most of it, and just learning to go with it, because baby will do what baby wants to do, and my body is just along for the ride! It is confronting to acknowledge the transformations and the changes, and it is ok to feel crappy about it all sometimes, but I have also been finding it really helping with acceptance, surrender and gratitude! Good luck for the rest of your journey, looking forward to hearing more about it 🙂

  22. What great news Claire!!! made me emotional just reading this post! I am glad to hear you are surrendering and just experiencing each day as it comes. I have two babies myself 7 and 4 (even at these ages they are still my beautiful babies), but I wish I had done what you did with my first pregnancy and just surrendered …. I was so keen to meet my baby I wished each day away until she came. With my second pregnancy I knew through experience what a profoundly miraculous thing pregnancy is and embraced each day…. Of growing and nurturing my own personal miracle.
    May your angels always wrap you and your family in loving light
    Lara
    xxx

  23. Congratulations Claire! This is truly beautiful and exciting news! Sending you lots of love on this new amazing journey. x

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