Listen to Episode 064:
Conscious Parenting is a paradigm shift. It’s a style of parenting that places the parent at the centre – rather than correcting, disciplining and controlling the child instead we aim to heal and transform how we show up as human beings and parents. This allows us to hold space for our children whilst they grow, evolve and learn.
We aim to be conscious, aware, present, loving and respectful in our engagement with our children. It’s not perfect, and nor are we, but it’s a cornerstone to how I choose to parent. I choose to always grow, spiritually, through my human experience and Motherhood has been a fast track for that spiritual growth. I see my role as a mother to be pivotal and integral to how my children will be in this world.
In Episode 064 I share 13 ways that I practice conscious parenting. There are many more than 13, but this felt like a good number to share today.
- I apologise when I make a mistake, when I yell or handle a situation in an unconscious way. It’s not a meek, begging for forgiveness apology but a demonstration of my respect for my child. That i love and honour them and I am also willing to see my errors, own them and improve
- I see that I am at the centre of my feelings of resentment, frustration and anger. Not my child. They are simply triggering the unhealed wound and shadows within. It’s my job, as their parent, to continually work on myself. This teaches them to also do the same for themselves in the future, to see that I love and value myself as much as I love and value them. It’ humbling and empowering at the same time.
- I see a WHOLE human being – a divine soul when I see my child. I do not see my child as something I am in control of, need to own, to dictate orders to and to manage. I see that despite their developmental differences to myself as an adult that are are whole which means I treat them with the same respect, the same patience, presence and kindness I would offer someone else. This is really important in helping them develop autonomy (in mind and body), in developing their own self respect and in supporting me to always check my responses and reactions.
- I free my children from the need to receive approval. It actually brings me to tears at the thought of my child doing something just to receive my praise. If that were to happen that indicates to me that they have begun disconnecting from their own truth and inner light and instead seeking validation and acknowledgement from external sources. of course we all love to hear that the painting we did is gorgeous or the letters we just wrote are great but I make a point of always supporting my children to tune in to HOW THEY feel about something too. E.g I might say – Oh I’m not a huge fan of that but how does that make YOU feel? Did you enjoy it? “Children don’t need us to lead them to an awakened state because they are already awake,” Tsabary writes. “As parents, it’s vital for us to understand that as long as our children are in touch with their deepest self, with its boundless resources, they will motivate themselves beyond anything we could ever imagine.”
- I remind my children regularly that their body is their own. My job is to support them to be healthy, safe, protected, but ultimately they are in this body so they need to decide for themselves – who they hug, what they wear, who is allowed to come close etc.
- I honour their NO. If my child says NO to something – within in reason – I honour it. Even in uncomfortable situations where my pre conditioned self wants to not rock the boat. I try not to speak for my child. I encourage her to make the requests and comments she wants to. I do my best to help her love and respect others and their NO, comments, thoughts and to live from kindness and empathy but never at the expense of what feels good and true for themself.
- I layer on appreciation in an authentic way. When I ask something of my daughter or son, e.g “You can watch Bluey, sure, but let’s first pack away? Will you help me with that please?” – And once it’s done, I don’t layer on false praise but I express gratitude and appreciation. I let them know their actions were seen, felt, received and so appreciated.
- I remind my children daily of their divine essence – we repeat affirmations together, we breathe and we talk about the light inside.
- I show my children that I love myself by honouring what I value, creating boundaries and explaining why this is important to me. So that when my daughter says to me “I don’t want to do that mama, that doesn’t feel good to me” I’m cheering
- I help my children to understand moments when I am disappointed, sad, frustrated. I explain that these emotions are normal, it’s important to feel them and that I’m OK. In fact I’m great. Not to be scared and not to feel they need to rush in and save me. I in turn support my children to do the same thing… I honour their disappointments without rushing in to fix it, cover over it or distract from it. We let the tears and screaming come. I hold them and say “let’s get those feelings out…”
- I love on them. Always. Connection before correction. I’m not perfect at this always but I aim to lean in to struggles and clashes with connection first before I correct – correction is punitive punishment. It dampens spirits and shuts down voices. I aim to lean into these moments and provide a safe space to express their struggles. And if we have a clash I always always always follow with love, hugs, deep breaths and connection. They see me messy and I them but they also seem my tenderness and unconditional love.
- I look at my children’s behaviour as the tip of the iceberg, what is underneath that I cannot see and that needs to be brought to the surface. What need is unmet that I need to intuit her (or ask!) and respond to. I also look at what’s unfolding for me – what on repeat is bugging me about their behaviour and what childhood wound, limiting belief is ready to be looked out? What is my child forcing me to see, honour and heal in order to up level myself but also become more of the guide that they need?
- I look, often, at where I can surrender more. Where I can soften into acceptance and see the areas I’m foolishly gripping onto control. Areas that actually have no real value and can be relaxed in order to create more grace and flow for us all…
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