Strength + Softness: 2014 in review
I know this is a little late… I know that the blogging community has been sharing their review – insights, celebration, lessons and learnings – from the year just gone. But I’m going to be honest, I’m in such a state of ‘softness’ – a state of sweet surrender – that I haven’t felt compelled to reflect intensely on the year of 2014. I’m so in THIS moment right now, that shining a spotlight on the last 12 months has almost seemed irrelevant.
But today, now, as I write this post (and after a decent journaling session) I feel I’ve gained enough clarity and respect on 2014 to share it with you. And share I have! I wasn’t quite expecting this wordy, mammoth post to pour out, but it has… so I salute you for diving in and thank you for being here and letting me offer this up to you.
2014 was a year of divine contrasts… delivering to me every feeling and experience I had unknowingly called forth. Supported, held, guided… I experienced a year of true transformation, growth, expansion, freedom and joy.
When I gaze back without judgment on 2014 I can see it’s split… separated almost in two halves. Bi-polar even. Black and White. Day and Night.
The two words that come to mind when I think of 2014 are Strength + Softness. And it’s not lost on me that these two words I mulled over in February 2014 in one of my video blogs.
Did everything go as planned? No. Did my desires frequently get shuffled and reassessed? Yes. Was I able to roll with the shifting and changing and sometimes down-right challenging moments? Gratefully. Would I change any of it? No way.
From the moment 2014 kicked-off I was chomping at the bit to get stuck in. I felt alive with dynamic energy. I had heart-stormed so many ideas for my biz, affirmations were rewritten, oracle cards pulled and core desired feelings were brought to life…
[ INSPIRED. CONNECTED. DEVOTED. FREEDOM. BLISS. LIGHT ]
My overarching word for 2014 was EXPAND.
From January to June I was in a state of strength. Expanding my business, my spiritual self and the way I chose to serve.
It was a busy, FULL, growth-filled time. All systems go. Yet 2014 was still carried by the energy of presence, acceptance and surrender.
- I held my first Surrender Series event.
- Fell more and more in love with teaching yoga.
- Welcomed in a huge influx of new one-on-one coaching clients.
- Revamped my website and offerings.
- Worked with the divine Kate Byrne on all things business.
- I launched the first round of the FREE 21 Days of Meditation Project – which was a life-changing move. I was able to share something I am so passionate about and support thousands of people to create peace, joy and presence in my life. I also launched my first meditation album – Stillness, Clarity and Connection (which I still get incredible feedback from!)
P.s I will running this FREE meditation program again soon so jump on the list HERE to be notified!
- And I also started vlogging quite consistently – I absolutely loved connecting with you all in this way and really found my groove in front of the camera!
It was also a love-filled time too as I connected with and enjoyed time with incredible soul sisters. I was a bridesmaid at my besties wedding in Byron Bay – Emma from Barre Body and attended Melissa Ambrosini’s Love Fest in Noosa where I got to meet and connect with so many soulies I’d only ever met online! I headed down to Melbourne with Connie and Rach to see Danielle LaPorte and attend the Big Hearted Business conference.
From the last quarter of 2013 and right through 2014 I devoted myself to my soul.
The first half of 2014 saw me undergo a major energetic detox – clearing out past traumas and past life stories that were holding me back and repairing holes within my own energy anatomy. It was a slow and subtle process, but one that has had a profound effect. Slowly, I started to feel more aligned, connected, tuned in. Old fears, limiting beliefs and health issues started to dissolve… It wasn’t always easy.
When I reflect on this time I realise how much strength I had to tap into – the type of energetic work that was taking place required alot of grounding, stillness, meditation and inner strength.
It was also through this energetic work that I began to sense a presence – a baby, a soul – waiting to join me in this lifetime. I often mentioned to friends that I felt the energy of my unborn baby hovering nearby! And despite the fact that I didn’t feel ready (and sometimes still don’t) to embark on motherhood, I could feel… I KNEW… that this was part of my soul journey. That this baby was coming whether I liked it or not, and it was time for me to embark on the next major journey of self-discovery; through this baby.
Through my work with Belinda a few minor, but important health concerns came up. One of which was the final puzzle piece in my long journey of healing. It become apparent that I had a serotonin deficiency. Perhaps it was something I had always had (due to long-term digestive problems, even as a kid) or something that was exasperated from my old party ways. Either way, this Serotonin depletion would usually leave most people in a state of depression, however years of meditation and yoga had kept me in a relatively balanced state. But I always knew something wasn’t quite right. Some days (particularly on cloudy days) I would feel heavy, emotionally, and flat. Not necessarily depressed, but definitely lackluster and a without pep or shine. It was the divine Tanya Goldie, my Naturopath (healer, guru, super star) who put me on a series of herbal tonics and supplements which (combined with all the energetic work) really changed things up for me. I started to find a new ‘normal’…
I felt lighter, more often, and found a mental clarity I had once thought was not possible for me.
And it was Tanya Goldie who got my body primed for pregnancy – even though we weren’t trying, I had decided to give my body whatever it needed… seeing as I knew this bub was coming!
I was devoted to ‘expanding’ on so many levels… In mind, body and soul. And that devotion required (and zoned into) strength which was so present and palpable during the first half of 2014 that the contrast for the later half is almost mind-blowing.
And, as the universe sometimes likes to make a big song and dance, the shift from Strength into Softness happened smack back in the middle of the year. As June rolled around Chris and I took our belated honeymoon to Thailand. And it was here that I was plucked out of the ‘doing’ mode I had been in… pulled out of the dynamic, expansie and power-filled period and planted, snugly, deeply into Softness.
It was in Thailand that I discovered that I was pregnant.
So here I am, in Thailand, a week in and I know something is different. I can feel a change in mind and body. I’m known for having an insane level of self awareness (physically, emotionally and mentally) and I could sense the tiny, subtle changes my body was undergoing. My husband knew it too. He wanted me to hold off on doing a pregnancy test because he knew that as soon as we did that we’d both surrender to that change… that nothing would ever be the same again. And it hasn’t been.
Almost instantly I could feel and taste true surrender!
Self-love and Surrender. These became my NEW words for 2014.
Yet that overarching word, EXPAND, quite comically took on a new meaning… literally expanding my body as my baby grows!
I shared my pregnancy with you, my tribe, in a few posts and have been doing my best to continue to authentically share the experience ever since.
This pregnancy has been the biggest lesson and celebration of surrender – a spiritual attitude that I’ve been sharing and teaching for the past few years. It’s almost as if the universe said, ‘Ok Claire, you want to surrender? HERE YOU GO! Now show me how soft you can be’. And I’ve accepted that challenge willingly and with pleasure!
[ LESS STRUCTURE. MORE PLAY. SPACE. EASE. GRACE. NO RULES. NO LISTS.
HEART INSTEAD OF HEAD ]
So many things got scrapped. I kid you not. I had PILES of plans, projects and ideas… but the space of softness really called me to surrender it all and press pause. Most of it didn’t feel right. The timing was off. And the stuff that felt good to do, I did.
- I held my first Mind-Body-Soul Immersion – a one day intimate event.
- I drafted and published a new, FREE ebook (which you can get by joining my tribe!)
- I launched my latest meditation offer: Reveal Your Inner Radiance (mini) meditations to makeover your mind, body and soul.
- I coached my little heart out – I have especially loved coaching over the last 6 months…it kept me connected, tapped in, and in my zone of genius. And I was blessed to attract some incredible souls who make my work (passion!) a true pleasure.
This seems like a long list but in fact ALL of these projects were planned and at least half done before I went to Thailand… that’s how much ‘activity’ the earlier part of the year had!
On friends and family:
My relationships with my friends and family have changed over the last months and honestly, it’s all because I moved back to the beach where I grew up. Having sewn my roots in the sand and soil of Coogee Beach in Sydney, no matter how far I go I still hold dearly onto this place. My entire family still lives by the water. My oldest and closest friends are all seaside too. This place is in my blood, it’s threaded into the fibre of my being. And coming home has meant a rekindling of friendships and family connections. Add to that the softness and surrender that is my life-blood at the moment and I’ve found more time and emotional space and energy for these relationships.
In particular I’ve cultivated a deeper bond with one of my sisters. We go for walks. We dissect, we philosophize, we make sense of our crazy (dysfunctional family). We laugh. We cry. We back each other up. We talk crap. It’s the most amazing gift to be reunited with her. I feel held by her and I hope I am doing the same.
Not to mention the joy of being so close to my parents again. I love that I can be walking home after a swim and bump into my mama, who I’ll give a cuddle and a kiss. Or that my dad will call me to come and have lunch … which breaks up my day and allows me the chance to swap stories and get a few baby-bump rubs from my doting father. And then there’s my six nieces and nephews (yep, they all live in Coogee!) who I am blessed to have in my life.
Following on from the journey with Belinda earlier in 2014, the second half of the year saw me embark on the Chakra 8, Soul Essence Journey. Exploring my Chakra 8, meeting the 12 essences of my soul and attempting to connect with them hasn’t been easy… energetically and vibrationally it’s alot of adjustment. But I’m still chipping away at it and I’m fully prepared to let this experience unfold slowly and with ease.
I’ve also spent alot of time meditating and practicing visualization in preparation for the birth and motherhood. This has been vital in cleansing fears and limiting beliefs but also to align myself to my desires and dreams. I shared more about that HERE.
Kundalini practices has been vital in supporting me to break through barriers, to soften and open my heart and body (to crack open, literally). Kundalini meditations have also helped me to connect more with bubba.
Nurturing my body and this sacred little bubba within has been my first priority. Good food, supportive supplementation. Nourishing movement. Body and baby loving. More INFO can be found in this post.
It’s been so important for me to embrace softness from a wellness perspective. No hard ass attitude or beliefs… just intuitive, caring, respectful and effortless. I’ve been diligent about being healthy but also diligent about being relaxed too. I don’t want to be restricted by a tough, mental attitude that is laden with ‘shoulds’… The only thing that has felt right has been to flow, listen, respond. If I need rest, I take it. If I need more food (hah!) I take it. If I need to move or do less or say no I respond with no judgment and a bucket load of compassion!
And there’s been alot of healing of a different kind. A softer kind. Blissful reiki sessions. Kinesiology clearings that leave me floaty. Massages that are soothing, restorative. Osteo adjustments. Now acupuncture and delicious facials!
This one doesn’t fit under strength or softness. It’s both, all at the same time and it’s the one constant in my life. The love, bond and bliss that I experience with my husband is out of this world. It’s genuine, real, raw, vulnerable, light, balanced, sane, silly sometimes overwhelming but always supportive. HE is my strength. HE is my softness.
Without him I don’t want to do this thing called LIFE. I know I can do it without him, I know I’m capable of it, but I don’t want to. I’m grateful I don’t have too. He’s my best friend. He carries me, challenges me, laughs with me, gets real with me and always, always reminds me how love is the most powerful energy. And to know that I am starting a family and embarking on parenthood with this guy, aaaah, tears… there are no words. But hopefully you can feel me! I say thank you to this man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
To wrap-up: There is so much FREEDOM, BLISS and LIGHT in my days now. The final three core desired feelings I had for 2014 really came into being during the second half of the year. In fact, almost every journal entry over the last 6 months I mention how much freedom I’m experiencing. I’m so insanely grateful that I work for myself and have built a biz that makes this possible, but I can also see that freedom has ALWAYS been there for the taking… I just had to take it!
So here we are, in 2015 and I’m feeling equal parts uncertainty, excitement and joy. This year is the first time I’ve not started with a loose ‘plan’ or as Danielle LaPorte puts it Goals with Soul. I am working through The Desire Map again to zone and hone my core desired feelings and states of being for 2015, but mostly I’m allowing this energy of complete acceptance and gooey softness to carry me through what is set to be the biggest year ever – challenging, heart opening, mind-blowing.
I’ll be back soon to share more on 2015 and the energy, feelings and states of being I want to call in.
Wishing you the kind of year that you truly desire – not one measured against anyone else’s version of success. But your OWN 2015. Beautiful, just as you are.
Love + light.