Strategy of Surrender
Strategy for surrender
Since the day little Soleil was born, in fact, since she was just a bunch of little cells multiplying I’ve been hurtling down the rabbit-hole of surrender.
Over and over, day-by-day I’ve been asked to let go – to surrender.
Surrender who I think I am.
Surrender to who she is.
Surrender to the struggle.
Surrender to the sleep deprivation.
Surrender to the loss of control and structure.
Surrender to the chaos.
Surrender to the beauty, and joy and insane love.
Surrender to the god-like connection motherhood creates for me.
Surrender to the sides of me I don’t like or thought I had ‘healed’
Surrender to the mess
Surrender to the present moment
Surrender to it all…
And you know what? I’m not there yet.
How do I know I’m not there yet? Well, because I find myself trying to ‘figure out’ if there is something wrong – am I doing it right? Is Soleil OK? Have I missed something?
I find myself looking for solutions where there aren’t any. Or getting lost in those feelings of futility and exhaustion that weeks and weeks of sleep deprivation do to you. I find myself pining for ‘time’ and trying to think about how to get more of it.
I find myself getting trapped in the idea that ‘if only things were XYZ then it’d all be better”.
When I notice I’m in this heady, catastrophizing, weary mindset I know that surrender and I have forgotten to nurture our bond.
But here’s the flipside to it all. I know I’m never supposed to be and never will be ‘there’ with surrender. Not fully, completely. Not 100%.
Why? Because we, surrender and I, have a deal.
I’m supposed to experiment with it, lose faith in it, find it again, go deeper with it, start all over again.
Becoming a mama is so much more for me than creating a life (which is a miracle) and experiencing that journey. It’s about my own soul-journey with surrender.
And this realisation always brings about the question, WHY? again..
The deeper why is because I’m meant to dance with surrender so I can share it all with you.
I’m here to help you become besties with surrender. It’s my thing. it’s my job. And everytime I mess it up, that’s another up-leveling, re-education and re-learning so I can scrub up on my surrender skills. That’s what we do as teachers and guides, we have to keep growing and learning in order to help you grow and learn.
So here I am, once again, letting go of the idea that I have to ‘fix’ things with my little Sunbeam.
She is healthy, bright, BOLD, happy, oh-so-spirited. There is nothing wrong.
Nor do I need to fix anything with myself as a mother, woman, wife, friend, daughter – I do enough, I am enough, I love enough, I care enough.
I simply must accept, embrace and let go of the expectations and need to control. It means offering up my plans and my ideas and trusting that as and when it’s supposed to unfold, it will.
Take a deep breath with me now, because in true Claire style I’m going to flip all of that on its head. There are always two sides to every coin and this journey of surrender is much the same.
Within the realisation that I must surrender and embrace the journey of letting go, I’ve also come to realise that part of this version of surrender (in mamahood) I must also take ACTION and come up with a strategy. I don’t have to give up every dream or desire to surrender, I just have to work with it in a different way.
One of the massive stumbling blocks I’ve been facing is time. When your toddler is waking countless times each night and then only wants to nap on you during the day, well there isn’t much time left over. Domestic duties, cooking, eating, showering – these are the basics I’ve been fitting in amongst it all. Trying to fit in joyful work, creative time, spiritual practice and connecting to loved ones has been a battle. Surrender often wins.
However, I’ve come to see a massive truth that surrender has delivered to me lately.
It has said this;
Claire, you DO have time, if you allow others to support you in caring for Soleil. You choose for Soleil to be the centre of your universe and for you to be hers. It’s your choice to prioritise her over anything else. It’s always up to you how and where you create and find time.
Truthfully, I’ve hid behind being Soleil’s mama and ‘surrendering’ to her needs and the ebb-and-flow of her evolving being. I desperately don’t want to miss anything as she grows, but many of my dreams and desires with work and in life are ALL about creating opportunity, security and happiness for HER.
So how to find peace between the desire and spiritual NEED to surrender over to her and to motherhood with the need to build, create, grow, call in abundance and success?
And surrender once again answered with;
Hire more help.
Lean on your in-laws.
Hand over the reigns to your husband more.
Let go. You cannot be the only one to care for her.
So there it is. And so it is. Surrender has sent me a strategy. I now see that I can fully embrace surrender day-to-day with my little one when I create more space and time for me to take action where action needs to be taken!
It’s time that I let surrender become my strategy for life in both the moments of PAUSE + ACCEPTANCE as well as those of ACTION + CREATION.
I choose to trust that surrender will only ever deliver me into what is right and good for my soul.
Love + light,
OM MAMA LOVE…
Mamas, I’m letting you in early on a little something special. This here, Om Mama Love, is the name of new membership site created in your honour. A space, a haven for you to tap into self love of the spiritual variety. The wheels are in motion and things are happening behind the scenes, but seriously get excited. It’ll be here soon enough and it’s worth the wait!
If you know of other mamas who are in need of this please direct them to www.claireobeid.com – anyone on my newsletter will learn of the launch + other goodies first.