3 STEPS TO DROPPING THE JUDGMENT + BLAME GAME
In week three of The Freedom Project we’ve explored Judgment + Blame and I wanted to share with you some of the exercises in the workbook provided. This is a powerful exercise that will really help you to see how the attitude of Judgment + Blame creates resistance in your life.
So, you want to live in alignment with your soul? Remember this – we have to completely understand the Ego and its games and in doing so be compassionate and gentle with ourselves.
Passing judgment and laying blame is a major game that the Ego plays!
Sometimes this game can play out in the subtlest ways. We don’t even notice how quick we pass judgement on others or to ourselves and the same applies for laying blame.
It can be a profound and very eye-opening experience to consciously ‘catch’ ourselves in moments of judgement + blame. This show us how we are end up feeling limited, held back and out of sync with our authentic self.
Judgment + blame
The Ego’s role is to BUILD up or to TEAR down. It lays credit and it dishes out blame. This role plays out in the way we think and feel about ourselves but also in the way we think and feel about others.
Our Ego will either look for ways to build you up and lay credit onto you.
Here are a few examples to help explain:
- “I am prettier than her”.
- “At least I am intelligent and can string a sentence together”
- “I can do this, easy!”
- “I am the reason my team at work does so well, without me they’d be struggling”
Can you see the judgment to others whilst building yourself up?
This also plays out in reverse – building up and laying credit onto others. What’s important to note here is that when this happens it’s usually coupled with judgments thrown back onto ourselves.
- “She is gorgeous, that’s why she’s so successful. I’m no where near as pretty, that must be why I’m not doing so well”
- “I could never come up with an idea like that. He’s out-of-this-world intelligent”
- “Some people are just born with talent. I wasn’t! I can’t do what she does”
Can you see the attitude of ‘building up’ others and tearing yourself down?
There is no freedom in judgment.
Try to conjure up how the above examples make you feel? I’ll take a wild guess here and say you feel close, constricted, frustrated, angry, anxious and maybe even stressed. Far from acceptance, surrender and non-resistance, Judgment + Blame are the cause for alot of the negative emotions we experience in life.
Another way to look at this is when we judge a situation and therefore carry the emotions cultivated BECAUSE of that judgment. Without that judgement and label, perhaps the situation/experience is neutral – it only becomes a problem when we object to it!
Bust through the resistance
This series of exercises will be very supportive for you in identifying the Ego’s game of judgment + blame. It’s time to get honest with yourself and see where
Step 1: Over the next week you are going to notice how often your mind (Ego!) plays this game.
At the end of each day (or during the day if you can) write down at least 3 examples of where you noticed you were:
- Laying credit + building up – to yourself and/or to others
- Dishing out blame + tearing down – to yourself and/or to others
The first time I did this I was shocked to see how often I would (quite unconsciously!) play in this space.
Step 2: Explore the WHY. Get familiar with how you are feeling in those moments when you are in credit/blame, tear down/build up mode.
- What was happening in that moment?
- What were you feeling, on a deeper level that may have triggered the Ego?
- What part of you – feeling/emotion – are you ignoring that needs to be dealt with?
Often when we are in that space of judging ourselves or others we are really ignoring something in us – a feeling or emotion – that has come up. Perhaps it’s a feeling of inadequacy, insecurity, unhappiness… whatever it is, begin to notice the connection between the act of judging and blame (yourself or others) and what’s really coming up for you!
Step 3: Use the process of FEEL, EMBRACE + DROP, to move through your discoveries
FEEL the emotion fully.
- Instead of suppressing it, allow the feeling to come up and be with you.
- Take a deep breath. Let go and allow yourself to FEEL the emotion fully and embrace that which you are trying to resist. Continue to open up, rather than feel fear and close off.
EMBRACE the emotion.
- Really open up to the feeling of the experience that is causing the judgments, blame and resistance.
- Own the emotion. Let yourself get comfortable with it’s existence.
- This is different to embracing the actual experience. That is playing with the context and story, which is irrelevant here.
DROP the labels and judgements that you have.
- Just allow yourself to step away from it for a moment (or longer).
THE FREEDOM PROJECT is not currently taking enrollments. The next round will be scheduled for February 2014 – a perfect way to set a strong foundation for a big, dynamic and FULL year ahead.
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love + light,