EMBRACING + LOVING THE IN-BETWEEN
It was only a few days after I launched my ebook that I wrote to my subscribers (jump on the list below if you haven’t already and get your free member pack!) to tell them I was eager to enjoy the plateau post launch.
My musings went something like this:
- We work diligently – soul pouring forth with so much eagerness – towards a goal.
- Our desire to create something special is so deep that we don’t realise how much emotional and physical energy we are harness to make that desire a reality.
- We toil away. We reach our destination.
- When we get there it’s either a) not quite as shiny as we had expected or b) we jump forward into the next project.
Do you agree?
So, these little thought bubbles led me to this place: Hey, I know! I’m going to enjoy the GAP between stuff. I’m going to do the opposite to what I think I should which is dive right into the next project. I’m going to get cosy in that plateau, the in-between-ness, the space between striving.
I decided to bask in the moment. I had literally (those that have read my ebook would agree) poured so much of myself into the book that I had to take my own advice and surrender to nothingness after it. In my hear the plateau seemed like a heavenly and well deserved rest.
I wanted to feel peaceful, content, empty, calm.
It’s been a month now since I launched my ebook and I can’t lie to you, it has NOT been easy to embrace that space of nothingness. I am a DOING person, which is why I am always working with just BEING and being ok with just being. This blog, my personal development and spiritual work, my ebook, my study – all of it is my way of slowly learning how to be ok with just being. But, nonetheless, it’s no surprise to me that the experience of hanging out in the plateau brought up a few challenges and questions for me.
Feeling the fear and doing it anyway
I started to dig a little deeper and realised there was a little gremlin of fear buried deep inside of me. This fear is wrapped up in concern that if I don’t do something new and exciting that I will start to feel stale and stagnant. There is also the fear of getting left behind, stuck or unable to grow, losing momentum… therefore, not being good enough! (Seriously, what a stupid freaking fear, but we all have it!)
Which made me realise something…we are conditioned from such a young age that there is only worth in the DOING. The achievement. Success. Progress. Moving forward. Make something of yourself. Your life. Create. Build. Push harder. Go further. Get MORE. Do MORE. Be more.
We are constantly in planning and doing mode, and it’s on repeat. That is until we get exhausted and take a holiday before starting the cycle again.
When is it ok to just be. Without trying to do anything. When do we realise that sometimes, just for a moment, its enough. You are enough?
In direct response to this I decided I was going to feel that fear and do it anyway. Correction, BE IT ANYWAY.
Are you thinking from your head or your heart?
Every time I have experienced some sort of negative response around what I was doing, or not doing, these have been the questions I’ve asked myself:
- What emotion is coming up right now? Is that coming from my head or from my heart.
- Am I moving from a place of fear?
- What is that fear? (Oh hello you, old friend)
- Do I truly feel the urge to create something? Is it because I feel to, or is it out of fear?
- Can I be ok with that fear, let it be and instead just embrace where I am?
I should also mention here that over this last month I have actually been experiencing alot of transformative shifts. Through reiki, kinesiology, mentoring and my own personal work there has been alot of ‘detoxing’ going on. So in fact, this place that I am calling the plateau has only been a ‘stop’ from a business/creative strategy perspective. From an inner strategy perspective there has been alot of deep work going on!
It’s all in the feeling
Now, I’m trusting my feelings more and more. My intuition, really. I realise that this ‘plateau’ that I wanted to experience actually came about from some divine plan. When I was doing my Reiki Level 1 training I asked the teacher about different ‘thoughts’ (relating to the client’s needs) that pop into my head when I am doing a session on someone. I said “how do we know to trust that those thoughts are intuitive in that moment and we are being guided correctly or if it’s just something we made up”. Frenchy, the teacher said: “trust that if it shows itself to you that it has already been decided, divinely, and that you should follow that. It wouldn’t have come about if it wasn’t meant to”.
The truth is some deep ‘inner knowing’ within me had introduced the idea of hanging out in the plateau – not as a ‘nice’ idea, but as a necessity. My own inner guidance decided to intervene and give me the space and time to reboot. How comforting is that to know that your are always being supported and guided.
This means I’m totally cool with being here now. In fact I’m feeling comfy in this space, knowing that when the time is right my intuition, through a feeling, will guide me towards the next phase of ‘doing’.
Invite more feelings in
I’m not going forward, nor am I going backward. I’m right here, in the middle. I’m still ‘doing’ to some extent – blogging, coaching, teaching – and I’m enjoying it for what it is. I have ideas bubbling away on a slow simmer and when I feel it’s the right time to turn up the heat I’ll bring those ideas to a boil! (And you know what? I FEEL that it’s coming, very soon).
I’m aiming to ‘feel’ more over the coming months. I’ve booked myself in to connect with experiences that make me feel. Doing my Reiki Level 1 was part of that. I am next doing more teacher training, then the Oneness retreat with Amir Zoghi. Who knows what else I’ll feel to do!
love + light to you,
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