Why you don’t need to understand the shadows within you
Feel the shadows within
I want to share a story with you. Something that unfolded for me last weekend.This is a precious story, a deeply personal one. But in the name of authenticity and truth-telling I offer this up to you… it’s also a way for me to continue dis-engaging and ‘identifying’ with this story and instead to dig deeper into the wisdom that is there for me (and hopefully you) at its core.
As many of you know I spent three days on the Gold Coast in Australia diving into the Shadows under the beautiful, powerful and potent guidance of Belinda Davidson*
Over those three days we worked with our chakras, the magic of the white light and our own deeply embedded shadows.
Stories, limiting beliefs, broken dreams, emotions we just can’t explain.The darkness we’ve carried for many, many lifetimes.
Does that sound heavy and depressing? Well, it wasn’t. It was enlightening, It was and still is the most important work I’ve done (for myself as a women, a mama, a healer, a coach… a spiritual being having a human experience).
Throughout this workshop we explored past life stories, inner fears and allowed our shadows to RISE. In a safe, white light filled container. Secure in knowing that our work was to see, feel and ultimately release the darkness – transmuting it into light.
Shadow-working light work…
Personally, I didn’t have the experience that many did – seeing vivid images unfold, during meditation, of past lives and the trauma. Nor did I get a clear message from my intuition as to what, exactly, my shadows were. The summary, or the words to describe my shadows never arose.
But what I did get was this;
Profound sensations of release.
Deep emotion bubbling up as I was triggered by someone else’s stories and visions.
HUGE waves of sadness flowing within me and out of me.
Spontaneous shudders and shivers
On the final day we, as a collective, entered a powerful meditation calling in the white light via the heaven to earth connection. Again I had no words, no thoughts, no visions – nothing concrete to sink my ‘need-to-intellectualise-it’ mind.
Soon we reached the base chakra, channelling white light into this centre – the seat of humanly needs and desires. The chakra that governs our ability to ground here on earth, to embrace our journey as a human being in a physical body. To feel safe, secure and connected. This chakra that relates to our finances, home, worldly life and to our need for tribe, for inclusion.
And here live my deepest, darkest shadows. Here, my shadows, have made their home – like cancerous growth. Burrowing down. Growing roots. It was here that I came face to face with these shadows. Or should I say feeling-to-feeling.
I can’t quite explain what happened properly but I will endeavour to. The shadows within and all the sadness, hurt, betrayal and rejection burst forth;
I was on the floor. Hands and knees desperately trying to earth.
I sobbed – loud, visceral, uncontrollable.
I shook, violently.
I could barely breathe.
It felt birth-like. It felt ancient, tribal. It felt overwhelming. It was out-of-body yet SO embodied.
I was not quite aware of myself. I knew where I was and what was unfolding but just like child birth I was in a different place, no longer governed by my left-brain.
There was no space for analysing and understanding. Yet I had flashes of truth roll through;
“This is your base chakra releasing. There is so much hurt. This feels like I am birthing, again”.
Mostly, what I came to experience first hand is something I’ve always know and a truth Belinda drilled home all weekend.
It matters not what these shadows are about, or where they came from or why you’ve held onto them or what you are to do with it all. All that matters is that you allow them to rise and release.
Rise and release.
Breathe and release.
Rise and release.
I have an understanding – which I won’t go into – as to where this shadow was born from. I know of past lives, I know of past pains and traumas. But truthfully, I do not care.
I don’t need to know. I just need to let it go.
And feel it rise up. Feel the sadness. Be overwhelmed for 5 minutes by the shadow. And then breathe it out. Let it go. Let it GO. LET it go.
I fully and wholly and completely FELT what it is like to FEEL and RELEASE instead of THINK and CONTROL.
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard (through my coaching clients) “I Just WISH I knew WHY or WHERE this came from.
Yes, sometimes the clarity and knowledge of itself can create a HUGE shift in perception – a change of view, a rewiring. But often our deeper, dirtier, darker shadows do not respect to only clarity.
They need to rise. Be felt. Be honoured and ultimately released.
love + light,
*I have mentioned this incredible woman, Belinda Davidson many, many times. I see her as my spiritual mentor and I HIGHLY recommend you check her out if you want to dive in deeper on a soul level, cleanse and clear your energy anatomy and therefore change your life.