7 DAYS AND COUNTING… turning 30!
In 7 days I turn 30! Nope, I’m not fishing for birthday wishes or presents (all welcome, though!)
I’m just reflecting…
I never really thought about turning 30. It wasn’t something that prayed on my mind, mostly because I didn’t have a vision of who I wanted to be or what I wanted to achieve by 30. Also, I don’t know what 30 ‘looks’ like anymore. I hear every now and then that I don’t look 30, but I always ask… but, what does that look like? 30 means something different today, but I guess ultimately, all that matters is what does it mean to me… or you!
Now that I am almost there I am thinking about 30 and the years that follow very differently to how I did from 19 moving into 20.
Mostly, the way I feel is excited. I finally feel like I fit into the giant puzzle that is life. I have always felt a little like a strange shaped puzzle piece that was trying to force it’s place here, there, everywhere… without every really understanding why I couldn’t fit. I don’t mean ‘fitting in’ socially. I more mean, fitting in with the world. I always questioned what my purpose is on this planet and who I really am. I was always trying to ‘find’ myself.
I don’t think I have the answer locked in stone, but that’s what I’ve learnt… that it’s not concrete. It can’t be… it’s life. Maybe I’m not supposed to find myself, but enjoy life as an ever changing creation. The journey, the seeking, the knowledge gains, the sharing, the passion to teach and the desire to always learn more .. that’s how I fit in.
But for now, I do feel like I ‘fit’ a little more. I have a direction and a new way of being as I enter this new decade and I don’t feel lost and ungrounded. I feel directional. If that makes sense.
I’ve also realised something else… I wouldn’t be here, with this mind-frame and this purpose – if it wasn’t for my 20s – the tripping up, the confusion, the mistakes, the sadness, the silliness, the excess, the questions!
So i’ve decided, for each day between now and my birthday I’m going to journal about something I am grateful for from my 20s. From relationships that helped me realise what a relationship should be, to years of partying that left me burnt out and fragile – leading me to seek a healthier version of Claire to climbing the career ladder which has cultivated skills I know I’ll use forever.
I’m going to press pause. Reflect, pay my respects and then…. let out my 20s with a long exhale. And with that next inhale I’m going to feel invigorated and alive by my 30s, because I know it’s going to be so much more rewarding, fruitful, challenging, exciting and full of change!
Just how I like it. Happy birthday to me!
I’d love to hear how you feel about 30/the 30s… did it scare you, did you embrace, or was it just another number?
Signing off with an exhale.
pause. listen. live