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Choose compassion in the face of anger

Choose compassion in the face of anger

Posted June 15, 2016

You know those moments when you are being supremely tested  – something or someone is pushing and prodding at you. Bringing up all the feelings, reactions and negativity that you don’t want to experience. Your frustration is at an all time high. Perhaps someone is being out-right rude to you. You might be having an irrational argument with someone who just won’t let up. Your buttons are being pushed (over and over) Or maybe (like I am of late) you are being tested by your spirited, seriously demanding and determined toddler with full-blown tantrums and resistance at every turn. ++ In those moments a version of me I prefer not to give too much attention to comes out (although I totally respect and appreciate that I have a shadow side and that I have to face up to all sides of my coin). I’m quick to lose my cool. I want to stamp my feet. Roar loudly. My ego wants to take control of the situation or the person. It wants to dominate and command attention with it’s angry words. It wants to put-out the circumstance with its fire. I feel compelled to REACT instead of respond. I switch into a mode of being that is not constructive nor is it conscious. At times this response can start to boil up within me – it threatens to erupt. Gratefully it doesn’t happen often, but it happens just enough for me to see it. This especially happens when Soleil has a meltdown. Her frustration at being removed from something dangerous, her inability to communicate what she wants to do, or her annoyance that I’ve stopped the flow of a particularly interesting adventure she is on can all lead to an all out struggle. However, it’s not just these moments with Soleil that really test me with an uncontrollable urge to (over) react, lash out and snap back. The desire to SHUT down those testing moments with anger, fear-based tactics, raised voices and force has showed up in arguments with my husband and family members. This might come as a surprise to you as I know many of you have emailed and commented that I am ‘so calm and gentle’ or that ‘I have my shit together’… But let me just say this; I am a beautifully flawed human. I am so in love with self-reflection and inner work BECAUSE I’m flawed. There is nothing perfect about this humble little human. Thank god for that – otherwise what growth and expansion is left to do? It’s not that I am a walking, raging ball of anger… quite the opposite, but I am being truthful that there are ugly moments when I am seriously tested. What I can say is this… I make a conscious effort to get up close and personal with my shadow. I want to know my flaws  – which I see as signposts guiding me towards a more wise, light-filled, conscious being. Without peering under and pulling apart too many layers I like to ‘understand’ where that little wound was first inflicted. And with this case – reacting in the heat of the moment – I know I’ve simply appropriated the unnecessary, narrow-minded, flash anger that runs through my family. Coming from a Middle-Eastern family, it shouldn’t be a surprise that ‘passion’ is threaded in my DNA. So, why am I sharing all of this with you? Since becoming a mama I now cannot look away from this any longer. I have spent years fine-tuning my ability to stay present, to respond instead of react and to manage my frustration and anger so I can move through challenges. So much so that my family calls me the ‘peace maker’. But life is about continual growth and up-leveling. We never find perfection, just a chance to refine the way we be, do, think. Motherhood has shown where the cracks live – haphazardly sealed with spiritual glue. Motherhood has tested my peaceful, calm and present attitude and asked me to up-level again. To refine… The frustration strikes when I’m trying to push a heavy pram, with an 11kg baby up a steep hill who is screaming, whinging, trying to climb out and throwing everything out of the pram at the same time. Or the sheer exhaustion muddled with a sense of futility when she flat out refuses to get into her car seat, after 20 minutes of negotiation. My only option left is to yell to get her attention. Or the exasperation and irritation in those moments when she’s desperately trying to communicate something and I’m just not getting it. She hits me. I feel anger. Meltdown of epic proportions. This is where compassion comes into play I know that the first step in healing my shadows is AWARENESS. To notice where my ego flares up. To pause and breathe. To take a moment to come back into presence. To breathe again. And to remember that the energy I put out will be reflected back to me. I choose to soften. And then I choose compassion. Instead of reacting from frustration and raising my voice. Or snapping, lashing out and breathing fire through my nostrils. I choose compassion. I choose to go gently, softly. Why? Why in those moments when I’m being pushed, and tested do I choose compassion. Why do I go the complete opposite route to what my human (ego) instincts push me to do? I choose compassion because it is in this moment that the very person that is pushing my buttons needs MORE love than they may seem to deserve. I choose compassion because I do not own or control this person. I choose compassion because anger and fear breeds more anger and fear. I choose compassion because I don’t have the right to bully anyone into submission, into ‘my way’. I choose compassion because I need love to hold me and guide me the right way. It’s in these moments that we must look beneath the […] Read more

It’s all about connection, collaboration and changing lives

It’s all about connection, collaboration and changing lives

Posted June 07, 2016

It was a few weeks back that I shared with you the BIG changes I made in my life and business. As I kicked off a new wellness venture I called out to YOU to invite you to join me. I asked you if you were ready to experience a life of MORE. And gratefully, so many incredible women said yes. They put their hand up to say… Yes, I’m ready for me to come first. I’m prepared to do the work to reach my dreams. I’m willing to collaborate and connect with like-minded women. Now is the time to change my life in health, wealth and to do the same for others. It’s time to live a big, bold, beautiful life. You know what? I’m so blessed to be teaming up with a sisterhood that is no longer willing to play small. Even better, I feel pinch-myself-lucky knowing that I am not going it alone, anymore. I must’ve done something right to be gifted this opportunity. ++ As a Life + Wellness Coach, Yoga Teacher and Blogger I’ve been a solo-entrepreneur for close to six years now. To say that I have expanded, transformed, pushed through limitations and learned so much would be an understatement. However, there has always been one thing missing for me. That one thing is connection and collaboration and changing lives… Let me explain… I am equal parts Introvert and Extrovert. The introverted Claire loves to hide away, working quietly, independently. She also needs to refuel and reboot through quiet time, space, meditation and reflection. Often the introverted Claire can takeover quite a bit – and takeover she did for most of the last 6 years. As I slowly, deliberately, passionately built my online and coaching business I noticed the introverted Claire took centre stage. Honestly, that needed to happen. Head down, heart focused. However, the extroverted Claire is still and always will be a huge part of me. She is social, she is team orientated, she likes to lead a tribe. Extroverted Claire is also passionate about teaching, collaborating, brainstorming and heart storming. In my old life (PR, Journalism, Event Management…) The extroverted Claire sat in the limelight, which clearly explains why, once I started my own business, the introverted version of me decided it was time to own some space. Today, as a mama, coach, blogger, creator, teacher, speaker, entrepreneur, girl boss it’s become so obvious that there is no chance for one or the other (introverted or extroverted) to get more air time. Those equal parts of me are being called into balance now. Those equal parts of me NEED to work synergistically and to collaborate together.  I’ve come to realise there is deep craving, a palpable need to connect, collaborate, team up, support and be supported. The desire to bounce ideas off someone else, to dream together, to build together – this literally gives me heart flutters and lights me up from the inside out! Which is why when I teamed up with some incredible friends and #girlboss babes (Shout outs to Debbie Spellman, Connie Chapman, Valeria Ramirez, Alissa Buttiglieri, Amelia Williams and more…***.) I’ve felt this overwhelming gratitude, joy and excitement to be in collaboration, deeply connected, supported and held in life and biz by this Sisterhood! [*** Seriously, there are TOO many incredible women to mention here. AND YES, I seriously get to collaborate with these sisters!) I no longer feel like I am the only one fighting my corner, or that I have to go it alone. I have this beautiful space – claireobeid.com – where I get to satisfy and nurture that introvert in me. Here I am able to teach, share authentically, blog, coach, create beautiful gifts and connect with you. Now, I have this beautiful wellness business – a side hustle that nourishes ME and so many others – where I team up with a powerhouse collective of kick-ass girl boss babes. We are making waves, we are shaking things up. We are spreading health and wealth as far as we can. We are OWNING it. ++ So, this is where you come into it… We are growing our team. We are looking for that next incredible soul who is ready to step up. We are keeping our eyes peeled for that special someone who is ready to join our tribe. I am currently taking applications because we, as a team, want legit, real deal women who are seriously keen to bust through their upper limit beliefs and to take their life by the horns (thrash it about some) and get a seriously juicy life in the process. Let me ask you this:  Do you currently have a business but truthfully you’re living month to month? Do you want abundance, finally. Do you want to keep following your passions but without the hustle to make ends meet? Are you unhappy in your job/work? Do you want to own your life, your hours, your time? Do you want to do something that feels BIG and special and makes an impact? Are you tired of the travel, the long hours, the soul-less work? Do you want freedom, success and abundance and TIME. Do you want to be your own #girlboss? Do you want to team up with empowered women who are LIT up with passion and drive? Do you want to be part of a sisterhood with a shared vision? Do you want to be coached and mentored by industry leaders ALL whilst growing your business? Do you want to make a difference? Do you care about changing the lives of others for the better? Do you naturally influence, lead, walk your talk? Finally, are you ready to help others live BIG and for you to do the same. So if you answered a big fat YES to those questions. And if you are ready to team up, collaborate and connect... If more health and wealth is calling you… And the chance to seriously change the lives of others then I want to speak with you. Seriously. I’ll share more information with those who are ready to […] Read more

Lead with the positive. The struggle doesn’t make you worthy.

Lead with the positive. The struggle doesn’t make you worthy.

Posted May 31, 2016

Struggle doesn’t make you worthy. Before you jump on me, no, I’m not saying that if you are going through a tough time that you are unworthy. I’m saying something completely different. I’m highlighting that we, as a collective, glorify the negative, the struggle, the hard times instead of choosing to lead with the positive. Let me be SUPER CLEAR HERE – if you are going through a really challenging time (the spectrum for ‘challenging’ is so wide) please know that I am 100% for taking a good hard look at the shadows… feeling all the feels from the pain to the anger and beyond. We cannot honour this human existence without being authentic and real with where we are at. But this post is not about embracing the shadows. It’s about learning to not get entangled in them and making the detrimental choice to, day after day, lead with our struggles. Many of us ‘front up’ to life peering through the lens of the negative, me included. And I think it’s time to choose differently. ++ At the end of the day when you are chatting to your partner (or your bestie or your mum) about your day what is your ‘default’ summary of the day that was? How do you package up your day? What attitude threads through your review of how the day unfolded? Does it go a little something like this: “Oh god, I’m so tired. Today was hectic.” or maybe… “Yeah, I’m ok. So glad today is over. I can’t believe how many things went wrong” or if you’re a full time mama/papa maybe this sounds more familiar… “I’m done. Today was a complete mess. Bub threw more than my fair share of tantrums, wouldn’t eat lunch and flat out refused to sleep…” ++ So this is my recent pondering – Why do we always run a highlight reel of everything that went wrong? Why do we always lead first with the struggle? This is something I noticed myself doing a few months back and it’s been a slow, steady road towards changing that, since then. So, hear me out here while I flesh this out… I absolutely do not think it’s worthwhile to avoid and disregard those moments of sheer frustration and irritating challenges that we face, daily. Sometimes it feels good to share it, get it off our chest and be done with it. It feels good to get it all out. But that’s exactly the point – being ‘DONE with it’ should happen not far after the moment. Yet we file them away and take a ‘count’ of all the struggle moments we’ve had as if it’s a honourable badge of self worth and effort. Almost as if it’s a measure of how hard we worked that day and therefore how valuable we are. On a sub conscious level, many of us are running this program, this belief that struggle equates to value. The more challenging and crazy busy the day the more kudos and brownie points we receive. We did good, we fought the good fight. The tougher I did it, the more worthy I am.  I’ve often found myself feeling guilty for the good times. I’ve noticed that sometimes, when I go to tell my husband that the day I just had was amazing, exciting, inspiring. Or just simply, nice. Why do I feel guilty? Aren’t we all out for a slice of happiness? Don’t we deserve that and also want that happiness for our loved ones? Or, even worse still, something else I’ve noticed is that the tougher the day the more sorry we can feel for ourselves… and the more we then believe someone else should fill us up with love. We want to be recognised for how hard we’ve worked and how we’ve struggled. This recognition, temporarily makes us feel good enough… ++ What I’ve come to learn is this; It doesn’t make you a better person (or better at being a mum, at your job etc) to be fighting and struggling all day, it doesn’t make you a bad person either. Your worth is not measured in how hard you are doing it. It won’t make you feel any better to be perpetually focused on the negatives. It might feel good to get it off your chest, but it certainly will not lift you up and into the light It is no one else’s responsibility to fill in the empty gaps with thick layers of happiness and love to cover up and make up for the frustration, exhaustion or anger you are feeling. It never satisfies your soul to seek recognition, love and approval from others. This is our ego hunting for love in the external world. Yes, an admirable goal, but one that is simply just a shell of what you are truly looking for. It’s not fair to dump the worst of you on the people that deserve the best of you. Time to reframe and find a new way to be in your day: Let’s start with this truth… Your worth is based on WHO you are. Which is a beautiful soul. You are worthy simply for existing. Ok, got that? Good.. you might not believe it yet, but start to tune into this universal truth. You are worthy. Just because. Now, when it comes to going about your day and being your precious human self know this… How you choose to respond, be and behave in the light of happiness or the shadows of struggle is what really matters. It’s not about what is actually happening. The context, ultimately is irrelevant, because some things never change and some things are constantly changing… What do I mean by this? Soleil, for the moment, is always going to be teething, throwing public displays of protest (read: tantrums) and just being her toddler self. So, if that is my reality for now, my focus should be on how I respond, behave, be, act, think within this context as opposed to focusing […] Read more

Claire Obeid

Hello there, I’m Claire

What am I about? Oh-so-much. A soul-centered and heart-driven life. Inside-out wellness. Shadow work (from the darkness comes the light!) Truth-seeking. Leaning into the joy of life.

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